Category Archives: really?

Next they’ll use Nutella instead of toothpaste…

Ew…  Seriously, this is just ew.

I mean, we all get what this product is for – don’t we? In fact, this category of product can be quite handy (ew, gross – bad word choice) when one is traveling and the quality of toilet facilities at one’s destination is unknown. But do we really need a disturbingly graphic depiction of this product in action?   I never thought I’d be so horrified by toothpaste.

And why are they even bothering with euphemisms anymore?  Shouldn’t the tagline just be “Freshmates – for a cleaner ass!” or “Keep your crack dingleberry-free – with Charmin Freshmates!” or “Say goodbye to your excrement-smeared anus – with Freshmates!”

from Gawker

No comment.

Kevin Brady Oct 08 web

Rep. Kevin Brady - Moron or imbecile? You be the judge...

Is this funny? Sad? Enraging? All of the above and more?

From the Wall Street Journal:

Protesters who attended Saturday’s Tea Party rally in Washington found a new reason to be upset: Apparently they are unhappy with the level of service provided by the subway system.

Rep. Kevin Brady (R-TX) asked for an explanation of why the government-run subway system didn’t, in his view, adequately prepare for this past weekend’s rally to protest government spending and government services.

“These individuals came all the way from Southeast Texas to protest the excessive spending and growing government intrusion by the 111th Congress and the new Obama administration,” Brady wrote. “These participants, whose tax dollars were used to create and maintain this public transit system, were frustrated and disappointed that our nation’s capital did not make a great effort to simply provide a basic level of transit for them.”

Seriously, is this hypocrisy? Rank stupidity? Or maybe it’s some kind of performance art? Not to mention – what sort of public transit infrastructure exists in Texas? How would these rubes even know whether the service they got was above or below average? Don’t they usually travel one person per Chevy Suburban?

Oh, and the depressing and predictable punchline:

Back in July HR3288, a Transportation and HUD appropriations bill, came up for a vote. It included $150 million for emergency maintenance funding for the DC Metro.

Brady voted against it
.

Remind me again why the Democrats are pandering to these imbeciles in hopes of a “bipartisan” solution to anything..?

Sometimes a marshmallow-covered Froot Loop is just a marshmallow-covered Froot Loop…

I’ve been changing the header image on my site with a little more frequency, no doubt since I’m taking a lot more pictures with my new camera (and I start my photo class in a couple of weeks!).  Here’s my prior image (click to enlarge):

cropped-dsc_0006a.jpg

I quite liked this photo – a tight close-up of a marshmallow treat made with Froot Loops.  Chris and I saw it while in NYC.  I thought the colors and the textures made a great composition and that the tight crop really emphasized those details.

At any rate, I just received the following message from my sister:

Why do you have a photo of semen-covered fruit (sic) loops as the banner on your website? It looks disgusting.

Of course, my reply was “Because that’s how I like them…” Though I also asked if she really thought it was that gross…

Yes, it is that gross. It would be OK if it weren’t such a close up and you could see that it is something normal instead of something dirty.

But what say you, dear readers?  I’ve changed the banner to accommodate Sissie’s very delicate sensibilities.  But I’m genuinely curious as to whether anyone else was repulsed by this photo – or if, like me, they thought it was a well-composed and interesting image.

“Good Afternoon – Suicide Hotline. There are 8 callers ahead of you. Please hold.”

I suppose I shouldn’t be laughing at this…  But I am.  Though I’m thinking rather than “Out of Service,” the sign on the phone should just read “Oh screw it – go ahead and jump, loser.”

golden_gate_bridge_fail_line

from sfist

Welcome to your nightmare.

Apparently the “Antioch Shrine Funster Clown Unit” (yikes, even that name sends a chill down my spine) bid a farewell to one of their fellow Punchinellos, as he shuffled off in his big shoes to that little tiny car in the sky.  And to see him off in style, they showed up in full regalia.  Godspeed to you, Pierrot…  “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants…”

Requiscat in Pace, Amicus

Requiscat in Pace, Amicus

I've been waiting for you... Yes, I've been waiting for you for a very long time...

I've been waiting for you... Yes, I've been waiting for you for a very long time...

from omg blog

Why, People Who Work in My Office?

I’m taking antibiotics in an attempt to quell the flesh-eating bacteria that has invaded the soft tissue surrounding the incision on my elbow.  And, in an attempt to ward off any unpleasantness said antibiotics may wreak upon my bowels (sorry for the over-share), I’m trying to eat yogurt once or twice a day.

So after lunch today, I head to the office kitchen to retrieve my yogurt – and I find this:

groyo

Someone has spilled milk all over the fridge, including an ivory shower for my sad little yogurt.  And then this person just went on his or her merry way, leaving it for someone else to discover.  Of course, it’s just a little spilled milk- it’s not like it will rot and stink up the whole fridge or soak other people’s lunches…

I always wonder about what these people are like at home – do they actually live in squalor, wallowing in their own filth, the floors knee-deep in empty fast food containers, dirty underwear and half-eaten bags of Funyuns?  Or are they sort of normal when at home and inconsiderate slobs when at the office?  It’s a puzzlement.

Could I just squeeze by you? I need to climb up onto my soapbox…

bigpot6A friend on Facebook recently updated her status to indicate she was flirting with vegetarianism.  And she got lots of responses, mostly reasonable (along the lines of “I did it and feel great – and lost 10 lbs!”) and some a little snarky (“Guess we won’t be having you over for dinner’) – but all pretty light…  Save for this:

alot (sic) happens to the meat before it hits the stores/restaurants…that whole process grosses me out…i think if you meet your meat and know your farmer it’s another story but 99.99% of what people eat has been tortured and slimmed by a disgusting industrial system…not to mention the chemicals used to fatten them up

it’s easy to eat salads and veggies out and most people don’t feel bad if you don’t make a big deal out of it…I find more and more people are saying no to meat.

Now, I have no issues with choosing vegetarianism or veganism – they probably are healthier (well, to be honest, I have some doubts about veganism – seems a bit extreme and just a tad culty…  And, with a few notable exceptions, the vegans I’ve met don’t seem to be paragons of healthfulness… But I digress…).   I am not, however, a fan of proselytizing (except my own of course, since I’m right – duh).  But, you know, whatever – it’s Facebook, who cares, right?

At any rate, I had just recently happened to read a quote from Anthony Bourdain, who described vegetarianism as “like going to the Louvre and only looking at the color blue.” Amusant, non? So I added this to the Facebook conversation.  To which the proselytizer responded:

veggies have way more colors than meat 🙂 The Louvre is over-rated, too. Been there numerous times.

Really?  That’s your comeback?  The Louvre is over-rated?  And the coup de grâce – “been there numerous times.” You know because she’s such a very sophisticated jet-setter (though she missed a golden opportunity to further show off her sophistication – she should’ve written “colours”) – so much so that she finds the Louvre just a big bore…

And, really, who could argue with that?  Vermeer? Played out…  Da Vinci? Dilettante…  Rembrandt?  Derivative…  Michelangelo? Yawn…  And don’t get me started on those tiresome Etruscans.  Yes, the Louvre is just one hack artist after another…  Plus, after you’ve been there a couple of times, you’ve really seen absolutely everything there is to possibly see, what with it being so provincial and the collection so tiny.

But what chaps my hide even more is the sanctimonious, holier-than-thou-because-I-don’t-eat-meat perspective.  Yes, factory farming of animals is not good – I do what I can to purchase meat from retailers who support more humane methods of raising animals for food; and I have the good fortune to be able to afford this choice.  But I don’t hear any concerns from vegetarian-a-rella about working conditions or wages for the farm workers picking all that kale and zucchini she’s piously eating.  And what about dairy cows?  They don’t exactly lead the life of Reilly – but I’m guessing she doesn’t eschew cheese or lattes…

Clearly, this whole little tempest got under my skin.  I guess the point I’m trying to make is, cut it out with the preaching.  None of us are perfect – and we all choose to do different things in an attempt to better ourselves and the world we live in.  Sanctimony doesn’t help on either count…

Hey, who are those four guys riding horses..? And is that brimstone I smell?

All things considered, the imagery in this commercial could’ve been much worse.  Though I suppose my own nightmarish visions of operating this device are far more horrifying than anything they could actually show…

And does this really enhance the experience?  I’d think the introduction of special tools into this process would only complicate matters.

from The Awl

Day starting off nicely – seriously.

krispy_kreme_glazed_doughnutBumped into a friend on my way to work this morning and stopped to catch up a bit.  I knew she’d just moved, so I inquired as to where her new place is – and it’s on Beaver Street!  Now it’s pretty hard to beat simply living on Beaver St. (not only because of the name, but it’s actually quite a charming little tree-lined street).  But she is not simply living at any old place on Beaver – she’s at 8 Beaver!  And she’s a lesbian! Talk about kismet…

Not to mention that fact that anytime we ever walk down that street, I always say when we pass # 8, “Gee, I hope some lesbian lives there…”  And now I know that one does!

Maybe someday my own dream will come true and I’ll move to 4 Uranus.  Oh, Uranus Street…  We’d pass it all the time as kids, with my mom behind the wheel of her ’72 Ford Torino and without fail we’d all start screaming, “Drive up Uranus! Drive up Uranus!”  Good times…

Anyhoo, then I got to work.  And what do I find in the kitchen, as I go in to toast my 7-grain-and-flax-seed bread?  Two giant cartons of Krispy Kreme donuts.

So, yes, this day is looking pretty darn good so far.  Now if only Sprint would call me and tell me that my new Palm Pre is finally in stock and ready for pickup…

Why, Annoying Hippie-Wannabe on House Hunters?

160506-St-Francis-2Whenever there’s nothing to watch on TV, it seems like there’s always an episode of “House Hunters” showing – which is great, since I’m always up for shouting at the TV – you know, things like, “Ugh, look at that place” or “Good taste costs no more”… (Though I also love the new show “Bang for Your Buck” – especially since the gay couples always win.)

At any rate, the house hunters are occasionally looking at cool city houses or lofts  – but more often than not, it’s a couple (or even a single person) trying to choose which hideous and inappropriately large McMansion they should buy – they usually choose the one with the three-car garage and the best interior paint colors (God, that drives me insane – they’re always going on and on about how they don’t like the colors…  Because, as we all know, that is something that is completely impossible to change… )

Or else it’s some newlyweds buying their first place in the ‘burbs of Cincinnati and spending $125K on a charming three bedroom with hardwood floors, original molding and a fireplace.  Chris and I always have a good laugh/cry over this, since $125K in SF is maybe a down-payment – and only if you’re lucky and willing to live in an “up and coming neighborhood” (i.e. the ghetto).

Last night, I was watching and it was some young couple buying their first place up in Davis/Sacramento.  And they really wanted a “green” house with all the eco-friendly extras.  And what drove me absolutely insane was that they seemed to have no idea of what actually constitutes an ecologically friendly house – they seemed to think that as long as there were a couple of solar panels on the roof and low VOC paint on the walls, then all was well.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I think any steps one can take to live a greener life are a good thing.  But the husband in particular kept going on and on about how “green” everything had to be – but never once commenting on the fact that a 2500 square foot house is going to have double the carbon footprint of a 1200 square foot place – regardless of how many “green” features are built in…  It drives me insane when I read about somebody constructing a “green” 6000 square foot residence.  Sorry!  If it’s that big, it ain’t green – I don’t care how much water is being reclaimed or how many recycled glass counter tops there are.  But I digress…

So this annoying couple finally settles on the place in Sacramento – meaning they’d both be commuting by car to their jobs in Davis; they nixed the house in Davis, which was in biking distance of work, preferring the larger place in Sacramento.  All of which would’ve been fine, if they hadn’t been going on and on and on about how important the environment is…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: do what you can, large and small, to minimize your impact on the environment…  But don’t be sanctimonious.  It’s not cute.

She’s drunk, right?

I mean, there’s no other explanation, is there?  And referring to this as even “semi-homemade” is really beyond the pale…  While I’m not always a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain’s, here’re a couple of his quotes regarding this particular abomination:

The most terrifying thing I’ve seen is her making a Kwanzaa cake. Watch that clip and tell me your eyeballs don’t burst into flames. It’s a war crime on television. You’ll scream.

and

After watching the video, there will be nothing left in your head except a smoldering stump. You’ll projectile vomit with rage.

Of course, I’m also wondering about the monstrous Christmas-themed cake in the foreground.  Looks like the more of the same – sans the luscious canned pie filling…  Oh, the humanity.

What did you do for Bike To Work Day?

I rode my bike to work, just like I do most days…  Unfortunately (and somewhat ironically – you know, like rain on your wedding day), I was hit by a car whilst riding. So not only did I not go to work, most of the riding I did was by ambulance. I have a broken left elbow and I’m seeing the orthopedic surgeon later this morning…  And BTW, typing with one hand sucks. I may have to make Chris start taking dictation…

Judging from the look on my face, they'd just upped my painkillers...

Jesus Christ!

The Florida legislature has just approved this new vanity license plate.  Seriously.

jesuslicense

I wonder whether anyone is going to match this up with ILVTOFU?  Though I think if I lived in FL, I’d go with GAY  JEW.  Although BRB  LOL would be pretty good too…

from The Awl

UPDATE: Sorry, I had to throw in at least a few suggestions from the The Awl comments…

KNG   JWS
NO1   SON
OMG   WTF
4SA   KEN

And as long as we’re discussing FL license plates, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this – which is not a vanity plate, but an actual randomly issued FL DMV license plate.

a55-rgy

And the lord said, “Let there be cross-dressing.”

douche

So, if I’m understanding this sign, God’s law is that two people can get married as long as one of them is in a dress?  I don’t have a problem with that (well, other than trying to squeeze myself into a size 6).

And it’s nice to see that God isn’t a real stickler about punctuation…

from Des Moines Register

Why, Juror From Some Other Trial?

mb-games-hungry-hipposI’ll give the SF court some credit for doing their best to make jury service as tolerable as possible.  The phone-in line to check status is well-designed and convenient; not being required to show up for more than one day (unless one is selected to serve) is far superior to the olden days of showing up day after day all week; and the jury assembly room replete with electrical outlets and wi-fi is great, as it allows me to both work and blog during breaks from the trial.

But I guess there’s not much they can do about my being forced to rub elbows with the hoi-polloi.  Yesterday, for example, while attempting to catch up on my email, there  was someone seated just behind me making lots of noise while eating – crackling cellophane, smacking lips, slurping, chomping, licking fingers, sighing, grunting.  In other words, disgusting.  And capped off once the feast was finished with a no-attempt-to-disguise-it-or-be-discreet-about-it belch – I shit you not.

So today, I was back in the jury assembly room finishing my lunch.  I’d made sure to find myself an unoccupied corner, as far from everyone else as possible.   But after a few minutes, I noticed a rather noisome presence behind me – crackling, smacking, slurping.  Yes, my friend from yesterday had apparently sought me out, making sure to sit as close to me as possible again.  Only today, he seems to have also picked up a touch of SARS – so in addition to a repeat of yesterday’s symphony of gluttony, I was treated to an encore of sniffling, snorting, hawking and wheezing.  It was charming and not-at-all gag-inducing…

Two Heads Really Are Better Than One…

I initially snapped this photo so I could rail against the fact that these ladies needed to work in tandem in order to operate the highly-complex ATM (or as they likely refer to it “the ATM machine”…  or perhaps simply as “the magic box”).

And while it is in fact a sad state of affairs that they could not perform this task solo, it is also true that by combining their modest abilities, they were able to complete their single transaction in the same amount of time as a normal person – thus ensuring that the line continued to move at a reasonable pace.

So, I applaud these ladies for finding a way to pool their talents to cope in these modern times.

photo_033109_001

"OK, you push the buttons and I'll look at the TV thingie..."

The horror, the horror…

Gizmodo asked their readers to submit photos of their disastrous workspaces…  And here are the “winners”…  By which I mean “losers”…  By which I mean “even looking at these photographs is actually causing me to go insane and is also giving me hives”…  Shudder.

filthydesk

filthydesk2

I honestly can’t decide which is worse.  The first photo, in addition to being a disaster area, also looks like it’s in the basement from “Silence of the Lambs”.  And what’s with all of the cords plugged into the ceiling?

But the second one is seriously pathological – one can’t even get the chair close to the desk because the floor is knee-deep in detritus.  And let’s not even mention that the whole room is a tinder box, just waiting to spontaneously combust…

Oh my god – I have to end this post now…  Looking at these photographs is making me light-headed…

Click here to see the other contestants – if you can bear it…

In space, no one can hear you scream – for ice cream!

Apparently, they’re doing a remake of the sci-fi/horror classic “Alien” – but a family-friendly, G-rated version.  Here’s one of the first stills from on-set…

alienbaby

from Gizmodo

Now if only there was some Chapstick too…

Drinks after work at Red’s Java House this week.  There was an open bar – something I should never be allowed near, since I deemed it perfectly reasonable to begin drinking whiskey at 5:00 in the afternoon.  This is always a well-advised course of action…

At any rate, Red’s provides this really thoughtful extra in their unisex bath facility:

toofbrush

I guess as long as you rinse it really well, it’s perfectly fine and not-at-all gag-inducing…

No Comment

ladyjusticeNYTimes ran an article about a supposed increase in mistrials due to jurors disregarding judges instructions not to discuss or research aspects of the case – largely as a result of the ease of access afforded by iPhones and Blackberries.  It’s sort of interesting, though not sure if I necessarily believe it’s widespread.  But my favorite part was the end of the article, in which they spoke to a Seth McDowell.  He had served as a juror and another juror revealed that she’d Googled the defendant – but got no results.

Mr. McDowell, 35, said he thought about telling the judge, but decided against it. None of the other jurors did, either. Now, he said, after a bit of soul-searching, he feels he may have made the wrong choice. But he remains somewhat torn.

“I don’t know,” he said. “If everybody did the right thing, the trial, which took two days, would have gone on for another bazillion years.”

Mr. McDowell said he planned to attend law school in the fall.

Sounds like the writer of this article is angling for a job with the Onion.

And reminds me once again of something I once heard said about a jury of one’s peers: “How can they be my peers, if they’re not smart enough to get out of jury duty?”