Sitting at the computer this evening and I hear some commotion outside – sirens and a police officer yelling at people to stay on the sidewalk. I lean out my window and see that a motorcycle cop has stopped all cross-traffic on my corner and the street passing in front of my apartment is empty of cars – and the officer continues to instruct passersby not to stray from the sidewalk. OMG OMG OMG! I’ve seen this before! This is how they clear the streets for a motorcade! But who could it be? There’s no way President Obama could be in town without me knowing it… could he? Perhaps the Vice President? The First Lady?! Who knows? Who cares? It’s gotta be somebody!
I run to get my camera, to record the moment for prosperity. Maybe I should race downstairs for a better view? But what if they pass me by while I’m running down the stairs? Jesus, what should I do?! Better just stay put, hanging out my front window… Oh my god! This is going to be great!
OK, still waiting… And waiting. Hmm… Last time I saw one of these, it kinda ran like clockwork. Just be patient…
OH MY GOD! There it is! The lead motorcycle officer, cruising toward my apartment! And right behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring, an ambulance!
An ambulance? Huh? That’s weird. And right behind the ambulance, a bunch of ordinary cars, filled with regular non-famous people who are not members of the Executive Branch of any government, foreign or domestic.
Oh, wait – behind the ambulance. It’s a film crew in a truck – filming the ambulance being driven down the street… For a movie, I guess… Or, even duller, a TV show.
Well, that wasn’t very exciting at all. And it was even less exciting when they did the whole thing over again ten minutes later. So much for my bird’s-eye view of the leader of the free world and/or his vice-president and/or the Queen of England…
As it turns out, the most exciting thing to take place in front of my apartment this evening happened about an hour later. And it was the same excitement as every other night – a crazy person screaming obscenities.