All I needed was to pick up my prescriptions for my inhaler and some ointment (don’t ask)… And this dame was at the pharmacy counter. It was pretty clear she’d already been there for awhile, grilling the pharmacy tech as to the most appropriate OTC medication for her runny nose – which, as she repeatedly and loudly announced was not due to a cold or allergies but to NON-ALLERGIC RHINITIS. And yes she said it in all caps.
She already had a box of Claritin and wanted to know which was stronger, that “or… or… oh, I can’t remember… Let me just run and get it.” And comes back with a card for Actifed (a card, since in CA, OTC meds that are used to make methamphetamine have to be kept behind the counter).
The pharmacist indicates Claritin is better for a runny nose, as it’s an antihistamine.
“I don’t have a problem with HISTAMINES. I have NON-ALLERGIC RHINITIS. I’ve used Actifed before and that works.” (Um, then why are you holding up the line of six people behind you by re-enacting the Spanish inquisition, only with decongestants instead of heretics?)
“Is the Claritin stronger? Well, I’ll try that to see if I that helps my NON-ALLERGIC RHINITIS.”
Of course, she is also purchasing a bunch of other weird stuff (trail mix, Q-Tips, cooter depilatory), but finally the ordeal is about over – or so I thought. I’d forgotten about the fact that one must also show ID and provide a signature when purchasing meth-lab supplies – even if they are being used to treat NON-ALLERGIC RHINITIS.
“What? I have to sign. I’ve never had to do that before – ever! Ha – only in San Francisco!”
Surprisingly, I was able to quell the nearly irresistible urge to give that bun at the back of her head a good hard yank. Though I suppose I ought to give her some credit for not referring to it as “Frisco”…
“I’ve never had to do this in Las Vegas!”
She’s from Las Vegas – why am I not surprised? She must be the toast of the town… Plus I’m sure the dry desert climate really helps with her NON-ALLERGIC RHINITIS.