Whole Foods was pretty quiet Monday night – but of course when I chose my checkout line, I got behind a fool. First off, despite appearing to be able-bodied and with fully-functioning motor coordination, the guy in front of me is using a full-sized grocery cart. His selections? A loaf of bread, a pint of pasta salad and a mango…
He’s also completely engrossed in whatever magazine he picked up at the checkout stand (“Vegetarian Times”? “Modern Yoga”? “Fitness for Douchebags”?) – so much so, that the conveyor belt in front of him is empty and his three items just sit forlornly in his cart, eager to be scanned and purchased. The cashier prods him from his reading (it took a couple of tries) and he finally gets with the program and unloads his sad assortment.
While he’s being rung up, he sets down a book on the checkout counter – “The Power of Full Engagement”, some claptrap about managing one’s “energy” rather than one’s time. I think it’s the one that tells you to only read emails once a day. I managed my energy directly into cursing under my breath and rolling my eyes as he chit-chatted with the bagger about the book and how useful it’s been for him.
As he toddled off, the bagger yelled after him, “Excuse me! You forgot your book!” – which was indeed still sitting on the checkout counter. Diplomat that I am, I immediately blurted out “How ironic!”.
However, I did graciously refrained from adding, “I guess the book you really needs is ‘The Power of Full Engagement While Waiting in Line at Whole Foods – Especially If You’re in Front of Someone Who Is Not Slow-witted.'”
Or maybe he should just read the “The Power of Any Amount of Engagement Whatsoever”?
Or, my personal favorite, “The Power of Engagement in the Fact That Once You Get to the Front of This Line, You Will Have to Pay for Your Groceries, So Perhaps You Should Contemplate How You Will Accomplish That Rather Than Reading a Magazine About Tricking Your Children Into Eating Tofu”.