Web of Deceit

Jezebel ran a post yesterday about lies and stories parents tell their kids.  The best part of the post was the comments, in which people reminisced (some fondly and some not so much) about lies they either told or were told.  Here are two of my favorites…

“My parents used to tell me that they needed to get my ice cream cones ‘under control’ and then eat most of it before they gave it to me. I used to actually ask them to do it because I was terrified that it would jump off the cone if they didn’t tame it first. Typing that out and re-reading it makes me feel like I might have been a dumb child.”

-comment from xoxoGG

“I’m the oldest of five kids, which meant there were a lot of long car rides instead of airplane flights on vacations, and lots of time with younger siblings who get bored very quickly. On one of these trips (Cleveland to Seattle in a van; you don’t know hell until you’ve done that), my brother Evan (who was probably four at the time) was being particularly obnoxious as we’re driving through Montana. My sister and I told him that, if he kept it up, he’d suffer the same fate as our other brother, Kevin.

‘Who’s Kevin?’

‘You never met him. He was acting up in the car one trip, so Mom and Dad just left him by the side of the road.’

Evan stayed quiet for the rest of the day. Next day, as he’s about to start acting up, my sister sees a hitchhiker and shouts out ‘Mom! Dad! That was Kevin!’ Evan was quiet as a mouse the rest of the trip.”

– comment by Magnakai Haaskivi

This second story starts out great – but the hitchhiker at the end turns it into pure genius.  It almost makes me wish I had kids of my own to torment…

Of course, I had to post one of my own – my younger sister once asked my mom (a registered nurse) what the uvula was for.  My mother’s deadpan answer – “Nothing, but don’t ever touch it or you’ll go on fire.”  My sister went saucer-eyed with terror – and we still mock her for it to this day.

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