Met up with our second Tokyo Free Guide on Saturday morning.  Had a walk through the Imperial Gardens, a really tasty lunch of grilled pork and a stroll through another of Tokyo’s many lovely gardens.  And though we enjoyed our tour, our guide was not as good as Takako-san – he wasn’t very organized, so the trip felt a little aimless.  For instance, while at the Imperial Gardens, he didn’t bother to take us to the Meganebashi Bridge, a lovely spot with a view of the emperor’s residence – we found it on our own when we went back on Monday.

Anyhoo, we said our thank-yous and farewells at around 2PM and headed to Tokyu Hands and Uniqlo to pick up items for our Halloween costumes – which were Krispy Kreme donut makers.  Our friend Skip had sent us Krispy Kreme hats last year and Chris brought them with us to Tokyo.  Since there’s a Krispy Kreme right across from our hotel, he picked up a dozen donuts and an extra box to cut up and make our “uniforms” – and did an amazing job of it.

They like us... They really like us!

My friend Kenneth met us at our hotel and we took to the streets, donuts firmly in hand.  And we were a huge hit everywhere we went – especially with the people who were lucky enought to get some of our donuts. The original plan was to head over to some big crazy dance club, but we had so much fun in Ni-Chome (home to a bunch of Tokyo’s gay bars) that Chris and I just bar-hopped around there, before stumbling home, happy and donut-less.

We didn’t get an especially early start on Sunday (I know – what a surprise…  I think we made it out of the hotel at around 1PM). Grabbed some rice balls and fried shrimp from the food halls across the way at Takeshimaya which, along with copious amounts of fluids, revived us sufficiently to get on the train to Harajuku.

And what a lovely afternoon it was. Our first stop was the Meiji Jingu Shrine, set inside of a beautiful park right next to the craziness of Harajuku.  The shrine itself is lovely – I think my favorite so far – and being a Sunday it was filled with families who were bringing their young children to the shrine for special blessing ceremonies…  The moms in their best kimonos, the children adorable in their traditional garb. It was a great way to spend our afternoon.

We also ran into our guide Takako-san, who was showing a trio of Angelenos around.  We told them how lucky they were to have her as a guide.  Also ran into a couple of Brits we’d met during our Halloween escapades…  They were even more hungover than we were.  Really fun, though, bumping into people one knows in a city as large as Tokyo.

After the shrine, we headed into the heart of Harajuku. And it was insane – a narrow street mobbed with people, tiny shops crammed into every nook and cranny of every building, other narrower streets branching off in every direction, with more shops and more people.  It was great… Chris and I bought some cute sweatshirts at a jeans shop – despite being about 20 years older than their usual demographic.

Harajuku - very restful and spa-like.

As we wandered toward Aoyama, the tone starts ramping up – first we hit La Foret, home to a bunch of trendy shops like Top Man; right next store is H&M; then comes Ralph Lauren; Louis Vuitton; Dior; a fancy-shmancy mall; Comme des Garçons; and the famous Prada store.  The  buildings are beautiful – tons of stunning and trendy architecture that, as Chris observed, makes Union Square look like downtown Dogpatch.  And the streets were PACKED with people every step of the way.

We stopped for dinner at Maisen, famed for it’s tonkatsu – and it was delicious.  I had a big slab of breaded, deep-fried pork loin – hard to go wrong there – and it was juicy, crispy and delightfully piggy (literally and figuratively). Wandered back to the train station for a little recharge back in our room before heading to our now-favorite haunts in Ni-Chome.

Met a Japanese fellow, Satoru-san, who used to live in SF and had a nice long chat with him.  I also developed a crush on the super-cute bartender at Dragon Men…  Though it sure made me feel old – he looked like he’d just gotten out of high school (ew, sorry – that sounded kinda pervy…)

Deep-fried breaded pork - yes, please.

Chris eventually dragged me home from Arty Farty, a little dance bar nearby…  I’d gotten the opportunity to do some voguing, so the night was clearly a success.

Another late-ish start today. We went to re-visit the Imperial Gardens, only to find them closed – but we had a nice walk and enjoyed getting to see the residence.  Then off to Shibuya, for more crowds, craziness and shopping. Going back to Shibuya shortly for dinner at a Western-style place – we’ve been doing pretty well with Japanese food, but after a long week here, we figure a little taste of home will help perk us up – and we’ll need perking up…  Tomorrow’s a national holiday, so it’s a logical Friday night – meaning we have to go out and do another pub crawl…  It’d be rude to stay in…  Sayonara!

Chicken balls - figuratively, I think.

Dinner at Birdland.  Very good – rather small place  specializing in chicken yakitori…  We were seated at the counter, so we got to watch the busy chefs at the grill.   And nothing goes to waste, as was evidenced by being served heart, gizzard, liver and skin.  I ate everything – though I didn’t manage to finish all five of my chicken hearts – but Chris ate all of his.  I finished all my livers, though, which Chris did not… The chicken breast and meatballs were delicious, as was the special house sake.

Kampai!

We made another attempt to find Advocates, the gay bar we’d heard about.  We took the subway to Shinjuku Sanchome, which we knew was pretty close – and we had a map.  Rather than try to find it on our own, we hailed a taxi right outside the subway station.  The driver apparently attempted to explain that our destination was essentially across the street, but we didn’t really understand what he was telling us – so he drove us two-and-a-half blocks to the bar… The place was tiny, but convivial – mostly gaijin hanging out.  After a few drinks there, we also stopped at Arty Farty and Dragon, two other nearby gay bars.  All the bars were pretty quiet, but it was nice to hang out with some other gays…  Also, I was plastered – yay!

Slept in a bit, had a Western-style breakfast at our hotel and then walked over to Isetan, a department store nearby. Chris bought some fancy floral underpants for me – they are super-cute and sexy…  Just not when I wear them.  But I love them nonetheless… Then back to the hotel, where met up with Takako-san, our Tokyo Free Guide. She was friendly, kind and knowledgeable – a very nice lady.  She took us first to Asakusa for a visit to the Sensoji Temple, as well as the nearby market – originally the location of the post-WWII black market.  Besides giving us a bit of history as we walked, she was answered our questions, which were far-ranging and various – though many were along the lines of “What’s he saying?” and “What’s that for?” – though we also asked and learned about some of Japan’s history.

Chris-san and Takako-san

From there we headed to Ueno Park, a huge and lovely green space in the heart of Tokyo. We visited a Toshugo shrine, modeled after a similar shrine in Kyoto, which was very pretty.  At another shrine in the park, there is a memorial to those killed in the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki – an eternal flame, taken from wreackage of a home after the destruction.  The memorial is quite dignified and very moving…

Hiroshima & Nagasaki Memorial, surrounded by origami cranes.

Walked around a large pond that was filled with giant lotus plants, before heading to the Tokyo equivalent of a dollar store – retail shops here are endlessly fascinating.  Stopped for a quck bite – I had my first rice ball, which is my new favorite snack…  A slightly warm ball of rice, stuffed with a bit of tuna and mayonaise wrapped with a bit of nori…  Delicious.  Takako-san then took us to Akihabara and bid us farewell outside of the world’s largest electronics store.  Chris and I were weary, so we didn’t explore too much – we just went up to the fifth floor to admire the vast array of electronic toilet seats.  Seriously, I am getting one of those for our apartment back home – a plain old toilet seat feels downright uncivilized after using the automatic ass-washing variety…

Prayers

Had a little lie-down at the hotel, then went for dinner at Tsunahachi, a tempura place recommended by one of Chris’ clients.  It was delicious – probably our favorite meal so far. Shrimp were amazing; Chris declared his scallops the best he’d ever had (and I have to agree – I like scallops, but I seldom swoon over them…  These were pretty swoon-worthy); and I had some kind of crazy autumn mushroom that was out of this world.

Just after we started eating, my friend Kenneth showed up – he’s a colleague who happened to be visiting Japan at the same time we were.  I’d emailed him the name of our restaurant and was very pleasantly surprised that he tracked us down…  We enjoyed the rest of our dinner together, then walked over to Ni-Chome again, for more drinks at the gay bars Chris and I had finally found the night before.  Had a great time – hung out with a Canadian fellow at Dragon, who is touring Japan with a choral group; met a couple of peculiar Australian gentleman; and watched in horror as a super-drunk Japanese lady did a face plant walking into the john…  I really expected to see her teeth scattered all over the floor, but she was helped up and had nary a scratch.

Chef prepares tempura.

Home at a semi-reasonable hour, though we still didn’t get going today until about 11:00 for our trip to Disney Sea. Got there by noon and had a really fine time.  The place was rather crowded, but people-watching was good.  Some great rides, too – notably Journey to the Center of the Earth and Storm Rider, both unique to Disney Sea. Chris-san seemed to enjoy himself too – though I know he’s just indulging…  One of the many reasons I love him…

Decided to make it an early night – we have another tour tomorrow starting at 10:00, so we’re hoping to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  Sayonara!

I always forget what a pain in the ass it is to blog while I’m traveling.  We are generally on the go all day – when we get back to the hotel room, all I want to do is crack a beer and relax.  But since my posts also serve as something of a diary of our adventures, I feel obligated to write…  Plus, I don’t want to disappoint my three readers…  Of course, it doesn’t help that my writing style tends toward the flowery and is pretty much the polar opposite of concise.  Anyhoo, here goes…

Our guide, Nakamura-san.

Our tour of the Tsukiji Fish Market was amazing.  We met up with our guide, Naoto Nakamura, at just before 4AM around the corner from the market.  Their were five other Americans taking the tour with us – and they were all very nice. Nakamura-san spent a number of years in fish business, so he really knows his way around the market.  If we’d tried to do this on our own, I doubt we’d have seen nearly as much of the market.  One of the highlights was seeing a bunch of the highly-skilled fish sellers preparing the 600-pound tuna they’d purchased. It was incredible to watch. Also saw bits of the tuna auction itself, with the workers wheeling off old-fashioned carts laden with a giant tuna or three after they’d been purchased.

Once the tour finished, Nakamura-san took us to one of the many tiny sushi joints in the market.  I think it was one of the “famous” ones, i.e. where people (Japanese and foreigners) line up for sushi.  Since it was only 6AM, we had a short wait to get a a couple of the ten seats the counter.  We went with the sushi set – the easy way out, since we don’t speak Japanese.  The sushi guys were super-friendly and very good at telling us what to do and eat.  The set was good – though it included uni (sea urchin gonads) which I’d never tried and was frankly a little freaked out by.  But, when in Rome…  It tasted fine – though the texture did make me gag a bit.  But I was able to help Chris out by eating his.  He, by the way, was pretty impressive – he’s rather freaked out by raw fish, but he ate just about everything he was served (though the salmon roe turned out to be pushing the envelope just a bit too far…).  The shrimp and tuna nigiri were all pretty amazing.  I have to confess though, I think I’m just not a huge sushi lover – I like it, but I don’t think it’ll ever make me wax rhapsodic…

From there we headed back to the hotel via subway – easy as pie to navigate, I’m happy to say. Back at the hotel, Chris had a bit of lie-down before we headed back out to explore Shinjuku before our scheduled walking tour of the neighborhood that I’d booked through the Tokyo Tourism Centre.  We showed up at the appointed hour, reservation email in hand – and which I realized instructed a re-confirmation the day before the tour.  And I hadn’t done this – so no tour.  They were very kind and apologetic, but it was my own fault and I felt like an idiot – it was very disappointing…  But we did head up to the top of the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building – it’s on the 45th floor, it’s free and offers and expansive view of the city.

More wandering through Shinjuku…  We decided to check out Tokyu Hands, which is sort of a Japanese version of Target – though that description really doesn’t do it justice.  We thought we’d just take a quick peak, but wound up spending three hours there as we explored all eight floors.  Chris bought a body slimmer and a tongue scraper; I bought some special hanging clothespins (to hang my Bluettes at home) and a wallet; and I think we physically handled about 60% of the store’s inventory.

After that we spent an hour in the food halls in the basement of Takeshimaya department store.  And yes, we saw $150 cantaloupes and grapes the size of ping-pong balls.

Then back to the hotel before heading to dinner at Yuian, a place I’d read about on Chowhound.  It is on the 52nd floor of the Sumitomo Building, so the view was spectacular.  Regrettably, our waiter was incompetent.  He was very nice, but I think it may have been his first day.  He didn’t take our order until we’d been there 45 minutes.  The food, once it did arrive was just OK.   Both of us wound up with “do-it-yourself’ dishes – mini-hibachi with steak for Chris, shabu-shabu for me.  The whole experience was really disappointing…

Next, off to Ni-Chome, Tokyo’s little gay section.  Though we never found it.  Got completely lost, I got really crabby, we finally gave up and went back to the hotel, and hit the hay, each of us really pissed off at the other…  Fun!

Yes, I know - we felt guilty for eating this too...

Wednesday morning we ironed out our differences and got another early start.  Chris finally heeded the siren call of Krispy Kreme, followed by a chai latte at Starbuck’s.  We kind of hated ourselves for going to either establishment – but considering both of them were jammed with Japanese, I think we were actually being pretty authentical.

First stop, Ginza.  Saw a couple of the luxe retailers with their schmancy buildings (Dior was our favorite).  Of course, it also didn’t take us long to say to ourselves, “Oh my god, we can’t afford this shit…” So we headed back to the subway (though Chris did buy a pair of sneakers at a nice, though compared to Mikimoto and Gucci, decidedly lower-end shop) for Roppongi.

Apparently, Roppongi isn’t what it used to be – a somewhat seedy spot that catered to tourists with overpriced lousy restaurants and hostess bars.  We went to Roppongi Hills and Tokyo Marketplace – two gigantic developments encompassing malls, offices and residences.  And it was as high end (if not more so) than Ginza.  We had tacos for lunch (they were delicious) and then rode up to the top of the Mori Building – home to an observation deck and a small but lovely museum featuring contemporary art.

And now we’re back at the hotel, just about done with our bottle of wine.  Back to Ginza tonight for dinner at Birdland, which specializes in chicken yakitori – and I think might serve chicken sashimi (no, I’m not lying).  And adventurous as I try to be, I will not be trying it…  Sayonara!

And we’re off!  With nary a hiccup to boot.  Chris and I both packed (well, over-packed) and still had plenty of room left in our suitcases (OK, not really “plenty” – but considering we’re two big queens who hate to wear an outfit more than once, we did pretty well). No line at the check-in counter; had a decent breakfast at the airport food court; then headed to the Red Carpet Club…

ANA must be embarassed to send their business class passengers to this United dump...

What a dump! Crowded; styrofoam (!) cups for water and coffee; a couple of stale cookies to snack on; and half-empty cups and crumpled up napkins all over the place.  And the best was when some kid knocked over a glass (yes, a real one – apparently her father was taking advantage of his two free drinks from the bar – as were we) and broke it.  They then took off for their flight…  The broken glass littering the floor and the deadly remaining shard on the table were still there when we left…

At any rate, what a relief to get on board our plane! Business class on ANA is heavenly (I know, how surprising…). Seriously, I’ve been looking at photos and reading reviews, none of which do the real thing justice. It’s spotless, tasteful, roomy, thoughtfully designed, airy…  I could go on and on. And the flight attendants are all lovely – professional, helpful and attractive.  Seriously, they are all very nice looking (as are the uniforms – the best part being the silk scarf…  which each stewardess has knotted in a different and elaborate bow).  Does that make me a chauvinist and/or racist?  Yeah, probably, but I’m enjoying the flight nonetheless…

"Champers alright for you Pats?"

Mere minutes after we left the ground, the champagne was served – in real glasses.  Then a snack while we looked over our menus.  I was tempted to try the Japanese menu – though I’d heard it wasn’t as good coming from USA as from Nihon. So I chickened out and went with the “International” menu – it was pretty tasty.  Started off with a salad, pork pate and a stuffed artichoke – really quite tasty.  Next a filet of beef – it was “meh” though certainly not bad for airline food.  Dessert was crazy – “ANA’s special chestnut parfait.” It was two cream puffs on top of whipped cream and a scoop of ice cream with a berry coulis and what we’re pretty sure was Special K cereal at the bottom.  Odd, but we ate every bit…  Oh, and a green tea…  and a whiskey…

Anyhoo, seven hours to go.  Chris is “resting his eyes,” i.e. he’s passed out, though I think we’re going to watch “The Hangover” (appropriately) together when he comes to…  In the meantime, I’m about to start crossword puzzle number 2 of the trip.

—

So, the trip across the Pacific was delightful.  The 11 hours flew by (no pun intended!).  We arrived on-time at Narita in a pouring rain – hooray! But all went smoothly through customs and immigration.  However, I made a fateful last minute decision to take the “Limousine Bus” (it’s just a bus, despite the fancy sounding limousine part) rather than the Narita Express train – my thought being that having to schlep three blocks in the rain with our bags was not worth the extra 25 minutes (100 minutes by bus vs. 75 minutes by train) it takes to go by bus, which drops us at front door of hotel.

Needless to say, after spending over three hours on that bus (due to horrible traffic in Tokyo), I was in a foul mood – especially considering it had stopped raining long ago, thus negating the entire reason for choosing the bus…  Once we did get to the hotel, check in went relatively smoothly (thought of course there was a huge line of people who’d been on the bus with us). Couldn’t manage to get internet access in the room, which prompted a meltdown on my part – we still needed to confirm our tour of the Tsukiji Fish Market with our guide.  And the tour started at 4AM and it was already after 9PM…  Grrr…  Anyway, I used wi-fi in the lobby and left in-room access to deal with later…

So, we did get up and had a fabulous tour of the fish market…  I’ll post more about that later.  But we’re off for a tour of our neighborhood this afternoon, just as soon as Chris-san is done resting his eyes…  Sayonara!

So apparently, Faith No More have reunited and are touring Europe…  There’s even talk of playing dates in the U.S. I’m not too familiar with their oeuvre, though I do recall being something of a fan of Epic – I liked the song and found lead-singer Mike Patton to be quite easy on the eyes…

What I had not known was that the band used to perform this rather amazing song, “Sweet Dreams” – and, no, it’s not the one popularized by Eurhythmics – though I suspect it will be recognizable to most…

And just in case you don’t remember it, here’s the source… Though be warned: if you click through to watch it, the tune will be stuck in your head for at least the rest of the day…

Ew…  Seriously, this is just ew.

I mean, we all get what this product is for – don’t we? In fact, this category of product can be quite handy (ew, gross – bad word choice) when one is traveling and the quality of toilet facilities at one’s destination is unknown. But do we really need a disturbingly graphic depiction of this product in action?   I never thought I’d be so horrified by toothpaste.

And why are they even bothering with euphemisms anymore?  Shouldn’t the tagline just be “Freshmates – for a cleaner ass!” or “Keep your crack dingleberry-free – with Charmin Freshmates!” or “Say goodbye to your excrement-smeared anus – with Freshmates!”

from Gawker

This is a charming example of “tilt-shift” photography (a.k.a. miniature faking) , which essentially means taking a photograph of something quite large, then applying the very shallow depth of field that one typically sees in close-up images of small objects. The result? What appears to be the world’s coolest miniature working model of Disney World.

…but a rather excellent application of the so-popular-it’s-hackneyed-but-still-quite-amusing-when-used-effectively phrase graffiti-ed onto this street sign somewhere in Marin…

from Mission Mission

And, n0, that’s not a euphemism…

Got a late start today, as I spent the morning installing a new internal hard drive.  Happily, all went smoothly – and I’ve now got 1.7TB of primary storage space and just a bit more on my external backup drive.  That’s a lot of RAW files I’ll be able to store…

At any rate, decided I was in the mood for a hot dog.  So, against my better judgment, I headed to Absinthe (the alternate title for this p0st was “Screw you, Absinthe!” – so that should give you some idea of how things went).

"No hot dog for you!" says Absinthe

I gave a quick gander to the menu out front, found the “Bar Menu” and it did indeed feature the hot dog I’d heard about – housemade Kobe-beef-and-pork dog, housemade condiments (‘kraut, mustard, ketchup) and dill potato chips.  Sounds great.  So, I belly up to the bar, wait patiently for the bartender to finish up making a round of drinks and then order a hot dog.

“Sorry, we don’t serve that now.”

“Huh? It’s on the bar menu, isn’t it? I’m at the bar, right?”

“We don’t serve it until after 2:00 – only brunch right now.”  And in this case, “right now” is 1:15.

“Really. Huh. OK. ‘Bye.”

This is pretty much the exact same experience my dad had last month when he tried to get a hot dog at Absinthe.  In his case, he sat at the bar at 7PM and was advised that the hot dog was only served after 8:00. I wonder when the cut-off time is for the 2PM serving?  Frankly (heh), I’m starting to think this hot dog doesn’t exist.  I’ll bet you a dollar that if I show up at Absinthe tomorrow at 2PM, they’ll tell me it’s not served until after 3PM.  Of course, this is a moot point: I won’t be going to Absinthe tomorrow or ever, since I fail to see what is so difficult about preparing a hot dog that limits it to being served only at very specific (and seemingly random) times.

The trip to Hayes Valley wasn’t a total loss, though – I stopped into Paulette’s for some macarons.  Haven’t tried yet, but with flavors like pineapple-coconut and Earl Grey tea, I have high hopes.

So, off I headed to Showdogs.  I’ve been before and I can vouch for the goodness of their dogs. And, of course, as I was mere feet from the entrance, a party of six swooped into line ahead of me. This was pretty much a dealbreaker, as I learned last time that the ordering process at Showdogs is not exactly a model of efficiency. I gave it a couple of minutes, but the line had not advanced by even one person during this time, so I gave up.

On the offhand chance anyone from Showdogs is reading this, I have a couple of suggestions. First, have one person dedicated solely to taking orders and ringing them up as quickly as possible – when they’re also pouring drinks it creates a real bottleneck (no pun intended) in the line. I’m happy to wait ten minutes for my order – but I’m not very happy about standing in line for ten minutes.

Second, get some ropes up or something to keep that line orderly. Having people backed up out the door into the middle of the sidewalk is not ideal (especially given the ambiance of this stretch of Market St.). People in the US don’t know how to queue, so it’s up to you to force them to do so properly.

But kudos on the great dogs last time I visited.  I’ll be back – just have to be sure to get there during off hours.

The Bobo at Zog's Dogs

I finally wound up at Zog’s Dogs, a little yellow shack on Market at Montgomery.  Had a “Bobo” – a zippy little sausage with garlic and herbs – and added sauerkraut, relish and mustard (sadly, they’d run out of spicy mustard and I had to make do with yellow – meh). It was very tasty and just the right size.  The fresh-squeezed lemonade was delicious too.  They also offer a dog with bacon, as well as the “Prop 8″ – two wieners in one bun…  Get it?  Hee…  I didn’t order fries, but they looked good – cooked to order and piping hot.

Service was friendly, fast and efficient – yay.  It’d be nice if they had a couple of stand-up tables or a counter – but it’s a takeout joint, so I won’t quibble.  And tables or no, they beat the pants off Absinthe simply by permitting me to purchase a hot dog.  Thanks, Zog’s!